As parents and caregivers, we all want our children to be physically healthy, but we also want them to be mentally and emotionally healthy.

What can we do as parents and caregivers to create the best conditions for our child’s mental health? There are many positive things we can do at different ages.

Even babies have “mental health!” Yes, they hear, see, feel – and can sense safety and love, as well as fear, anxiety, depression, and violence from their caregivers and environment.

Keep your baby’s world a calm, happy place to be, as much as you can. A lot of noise, yelling, and even loud music can be overwhelming.
Babies need and benefit from interaction with you. Put angry and stressful thoughts and speech aside when caring for your baby. Hold your baby, smile, and talk with them.
No one is perfect, but just keep in mind that although they are tiny and may not be able to use words yet, they have important needs. Do your best to understand and respond to meet those needs. Doing so strengthens the attachment and reinforces your baby’s communications about their needs – the first steps in their “finding their voice” and learning they can affect their world.

Toddlers need similar and yet sometimes more complex forms of help from parents and caregivers to develop good mental health.

Smiles still convey approval and safety!
Comforting toddlers when they are tired and maybe crying or angry, disappointed, frustrated, etc. is very important. They learn self-soothing.
It’s also important to verbalize positive messages like, “Thank you,” “Good job!” and “I love you!” to our toddlers. Remember that the meaning and messages are given not only with the words we use, but with our tone of voice and facial expression.
Toddlers have a developmental imperative to say “no” at times and feel like they are their own individual person. They need understanding and love to get through this challenging period. Remember, obedience is for dogs, not humans, and especially not toddlers.
Empathy and kindness to toddlers when practiced by parents and caregivers leads to great mental health!

Pre-school children, ages 3 to 5, are in a new world of play with others and learning how to grow into social human beings!

Learning social-emotional skills takes time and can be stressful for pre-school children. They need us to reinforce all their positive healthy choices by telling them we are proud of what they did or said with their family or friend(s).
Listen and talk with your young children a lot. Encourage them as they try to express their own thoughts and feelings.
You are their role model. They are watching, listening, and learning from you all the time. How you speak to your friends, family members, neighbors and strangers will influence their social-emotional behavior and become a blueprint for them.
Love yourself even as you love the children. Parents and caregivers who take care of themselves will have more to give and serve as a good model for self-care.

Elementary school aged children are often learning about what is good for physical health, like nutritious food, exercise, sleep, and can begin to learn what is good for mental health.

Continue to use praise and encouragement to reinforce good behavior and build self-confidence in children.
Create structures and routines, but do not be too rigid about these things. Listen for your child’s ideas too, be flexible, and incorporate them into your daily life.
Children can learn healthy ways to manage stress. They can begin to learn about and use meditation, yoga, exercise, good sleep habits, and positive self-talk.
Play is very important for young children. Make time to play with them and find ways to let them play with others or interact with them online.

Middle school children are getting ready to break out and engage with the world in new ways.

Here is where you really begin to see the negative effects of isolation and not being around peers during COVID. At this age, they are normally drawn to peers, forming friendship groups, and figuring out where they fit in the world. Parents need to appreciate how important this is and help them connect with others – whether it is online or in person with an expanding number of people as we work our way out of the pandemic.
Be aware of what your kids are hearing on the news and elsewhere. Check in with them and ask what they’ve been hearing and talk about it.
Help your child figure out how they can feel in more control – what can they do?

High school youth can experience very intense emotional and mental health challenges. At this age, in addition to all the positive, useful suggestions above, they may benefit from some additional strategies.

At times, they may need to disconnect from news and negativity and really focus on positive self-talk.
They may be tired of the COVID restrictions and bored, so engage with them, explore, and encourage them to try new things.
One of the best things they can do is think about what they can do for others (and then do them!). People who think of others often feel less stressed about their own problems.
Make it a practice in your household to think about and express gratitude. When we take a few minutes to focus on the positive things in our lives, it leads us to a better state of mind. If we surround ourselves with appreciation, this can go a long way.

Being mentally and emotionally healthy does not mean children never experience disappointment or challenges. Problems come up in life and can cause stress, sadness, and anxiety. There are times when it may be best to consult with a mental health professional. Unconditional positive love from a parent at these times is so important and communicates to children that despite their difficulties, they are still valued human beings.

We are available for support around parenting issues. Call the Vermont Parent's Helpline at 1-800-CHILDREN (800-244-5373) for questions about parenting or if you would like to join an online support group or parenting program. You can also find other helpful information on our website or call 211 for a variety of resources.