The COVID-19 pandemic robbed many graduating high school seniors and other teens of significant rites of passage, such as graduations, celebrations, sports, and even summer jobs. No wonder many teenagers are feeling depressed, angry, and bored.
Some of these losses are things parents can’t fix. On the other hand, we can help teenagers look toward the post-pandemic future and work on a vision of something that will be memorable and fun. Ask your teens, "When you're finally able to fully celebrate, what would you want it to look like?" Encourage them to think about the future and consider creating goals, vision boards or written plans so they have something they can look forward to, even if it's different from what they originally pictured.
How Parents Can Help Teens Stuck at Home
Teens cut off from their normal activities and stuck at home want to feel like they have purpose and meaning, as well as to have some fun. Here are some tips to make teens’ stay-at-home days count:
(1) Support new ways to spend the day - It's actually kind of hard to spend day after day flowing aimlessly from one hour to the next. Having a schedule or some structure can make stay-at-home days more tolerable. Help teens come up with strategies to get everything they can out of their days. A schedule might include time outside, exercise and participation in social connections with friends while maintaining social distancing, such as a Zoom or FaceTime game night.
The pandemic does not mean they can just hang out until further notice. Don't be afraid to assign chores and engage teens in the family’s work, such as pitching in to prepare meals. And even if you push them to go outside for a walk or a jog, they might grumble at first, but most teens actually appreciate it.
If at all possible, see if there is any special project or activity that your teen feels might be fun and wants to engage in. Help them think up ways to help others in the community or in your family.
(2) Use screen time constructively - More than ever, the internet and our phones and computers are central to our lives now. Teens love their phones and tablets, and since they’re pretty much a lifeline between teens and their friends, the pandemic may make it difficult to limit screen time. Be more tolerant of screen time. Screen time can be stimulating, valuable, educational, and an important way to access friends.
Social media and online time can be used to launch and complete a project, too, something with a beginning, middle and end that can give teens a sense of accomplishment. Teens can start a book club or a new music group with friends and talk about it. They can use social media to try dance challenges, photography/video projects and other activities, based on their interests.
(3) Recognize hidden anxieties - Teenagers may act aloof and independent, but they may have fears about how COVID-19 might affect them or those they love. They might be worried about grandparents or parents who have health problems or who work in high-risk jobs ranging from health care to grocery and delivery workers. They might be worried about a friend or a girlfriend or boyfriend. Asking open-ended questions about teens’ concerns may provide them a chance to express their fears.
Teens can feel more empowered when they understand that their actions matter. Praising teens for behaviors such as hand-washing, mask-wearing and social distancing shows them that they can play a part in protecting their own health and that of other people around them and that you are proud of them for doing these behaviors.
(4) Monitor teens’ mental health - Parents need to keep an eye on teens’ mental health. Parents know their children best, so if something seems off about your teen, trust your instincts and find out what’s going on, especially if the they have a history of depression or anxiety. Specifically, parents should be on the lookout for:
Sleep changes, such as sleeping more or insomnia
Eating a lot more or a lot less
Signs of self-harm, substance abuse or acting out more than usual
Complaints of body aches that aren’t due to a physical problem
Isolating more than normal (for example, eating dinner alone in their room)
Not participating in activities that normally bring them joy
When parents note behavioral changes such as these, a call to the family doctor or a mental health practitioner might be appropriate. Help is available through telehealth visits now, too.
We are available for support around parenting issues. Call the Vermont Parent's Helpline at 1-800-CHILDREN (800-244-5373) for questions about parenting or if you would like to join an online support group or parenting program. Check out our COVID-19 Parent & Caregiver Guide, the Vermont Parent's Home Companion and Resource Guide, and other resources on our website (https://www.pcavt.org/) or call 211.